Because of this, I really do not want to dwell on my past, and in telling my story, give glory to Satan. I think others will share our family's depressing story, and I want to dwell on the positive side of things.
But just so you have some idea of what I had been brought out of, I'll tell a little of my history. I started my dive into the drug world at the age of fourteen, when I began smoking pot. At sixteen, I quit school and left home, moving to Los Angeles and finding work on a fishing boat. By eighteen, I was dealing. I have spent the last twenty-four years of my life selling, buying and taking drugs. Acid, Mescaline, Quaaludes, PCP, cocaine, crack and heroin. I have OD'd three times in the past, and the last time (late last summer), I was found laying in the floor with a needle still in my upper arm (I've mainlined so many times, that I hardly have a vein that is usable. So I have injected into my bicep area, my legs, wrist, even my feet). I'd been lying for over twelve hours. The chemical abuse I've inflicted on my body has left me with some problems. I'm forty years old, and a doctor recently told me that I have the heart of seventy-five year old man. It's a miracle, in the truest sense of the word, that I am alive today.
I was born into a Roman Catholic family, and raised in that faith. But to be honest (and I don't mean to put anyone's faith down), it just never worked for me. Looking back, I would have done better with a more personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Himself.
So much for my past. I don't think on that any more. I have a beautiful present and a promising future.
In November, my brother David surrendered his heart to Jesus Christ. I didn't now alot about it, but I respected him for it. David has had some troubles of his own in the past, and I was happy that maybe he had found something to relieve him from all of that. He was living with me at the time, and he talked to me about accepting the Lord and making Him Lord of his life. My heart ached for this. And it sort of hit me all at once that if I didn't do something NOW (after hearing about it and being given a chance for it), then I would NEVER again be given the opportunity to know Christ, to accept and receive Him, and to make things right. I'd die there on my floor one day and find myself in Hell forever.
I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed. I had a lifetime to turn over to the Savior, and I didn't want to leave a thing out. I gave Him my all, because I remembered enough from Mass as a kid to know that He had given His all to me on that Hill outside of Jerusalem.
Some people, I guess, believe that being a Christian is like having a magic wand. ZAP! Everything's perfect, and life poses no problems. Unfortunately, that's not true. I have to face the consequences of what my past lifestyle has done to me, physically. I still have that weak heart, and that may cause me to not live as long as I would hope or expect. And after I was saved, I went into such a bad drug withdrawal that I had to enter what has turned out to be the best and most effective rehab center in the world, The Betty Ford Center. But I'm getting better every day. And I know that the Lord will help me to be strong and never again return to the life I involved myself in.
I have a fourteen year old daughter that I have custody of, and aside from Jesus Himself, nothing is more important to me than her. I want to have Amber grow up in a real home from now on, a place where she can feel safe and secure, with a father who's clean and sober and always there for her. I pray everyday that the Lord will let me live to see my little girl grown and on her own. She's not had it easy, and I really want to do right by her now.
When I was going through withdrawals, everything inside me would go from being freezing cold to a feeling that I was burning from the inside out. It's a natural reaction when the body craves the next fix of drugs. Today, I can honestly say that I STILL have a burning inside ... but a MUCH better kind. I have such a strong desire to serve the Lord burning inside of me. And I hope I never recover from that. I have no idea what I'll do with my life now. I have no job, and in fact, I'm still in rehab. But wherever the Lord leads, I'm willing to follow. I owe my life to Him, how could I ever deny Him anything.
I've been told that Salvation is free, just grab on to it. I don't agree with that. Salvation is EASY, but it's not free. It was paid for with a very high, high price ... the Blood of our Lord and Savior. And I could never thank Him enough or give Him back in return enough. Whatever my life is worth, it's His. For now and for always.
I've really gotten into reading the Word of God everyday. Along with prayer, it has become my sustaining life-force. In closing, I want to share my favorite Bible verse. For someone who has been under the bondage of drugs and alcohol for most of their lives, it is a Scripture of hope.
God bless everyone who reads this; thank you Pastor Steve & Nancy, for your faithfulness and friendship; and thank you to my family, who I love more than I was ever able to show.